All I have are these photographs
All I feel is the pen between my fingers
All I hear is the silence you left behind
All that I have is what is left in my mind.
All I want is to laugh with you again, eat Mint Chocolate-chip ice-cream, watch The Honeymooners and be with my friend.
I can see you, I can touch you, but I will have to put you back -on the mirror. I guess I would rather see you this way than the way I saw you earlier.
All I have looked up to has now stricken me with grief, how my heart aches to feel some relief.
I reluctantly adjust to forming a new future, one where your memory will forever linger.
I can think of you and smile in the sun; I will do my best to keep my chin up and allow you to carry on.
I know I will never lose what is you, or the memories of how we grew.
I am so happy with your life, but angry with your clumsy demise.
Until next time,
My tear filled eyes.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Empty Arms
The tiny feet you once used to move inside me are all wrapped in a blanky, and your tiny hands gripped mommy's finger until it was time for you to leave. The beat of your little heart slowed and tears filled my eyes as your body grew cold.
You were perfect, a son so beautiful and long with daddy's ears and mommy's nose. I could not bear to let you go, and so I held you for hours until the nurse suggested it was time to let you go home.
I admired every inch of you; I pet your head and kissed your body all over. This adoration, love and attachment could never be measured.
How cruel to take my son away from me, to fill me with months of joy and happy memories, then in eight hours, take him as quickly as his first breath came to me. Amidst all of the anger and sorrow there is no love like that of your mother, and you will remain with me all of my tomorrows.
Every time I close my eyes I feel the warmth of someone right in front of me.
It just must be my angel giving me strength and peace.
I suppose I have an angel now. The happy orange of a maple tree blossoms outside the window next to where your crib would have been & where I would have rocked you to sleep. The sun sets in this room, and at night in shines the moon.
One day I will hold you again but until then, I will hold you in my empty arms and keep you forever in my heart.
You were perfect, a son so beautiful and long with daddy's ears and mommy's nose. I could not bear to let you go, and so I held you for hours until the nurse suggested it was time to let you go home.
I admired every inch of you; I pet your head and kissed your body all over. This adoration, love and attachment could never be measured.
How cruel to take my son away from me, to fill me with months of joy and happy memories, then in eight hours, take him as quickly as his first breath came to me. Amidst all of the anger and sorrow there is no love like that of your mother, and you will remain with me all of my tomorrows.
Every time I close my eyes I feel the warmth of someone right in front of me.
It just must be my angel giving me strength and peace.
I suppose I have an angel now. The happy orange of a maple tree blossoms outside the window next to where your crib would have been & where I would have rocked you to sleep. The sun sets in this room, and at night in shines the moon.
One day I will hold you again but until then, I will hold you in my empty arms and keep you forever in my heart.
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